My dearest, at the present moment I’m tucking along on this very bumpy train (as you can see by my childish chicken scratch), thinking of you. It is the 4th of December sometime in the late afternoon. I lost track of time hours ago, no, days ago. The sun is fast setting behind the snow-covered horizon. The little fluffy clouds in the darkening sky have turned a deep, rich pink, almost red. They are beautiful! Mother Nature has tucked the earth in for its long winter’s nap. Nothing can be seen for miles except whiteness and bare trees. A natural solitude that affords peace, tranquility and harmony, but never loneliness. The only loneliness exists with me, inside me; an empty feeling that started the moment I turned around and left you. It is dark outside now, that was fast! Well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, it is winter. In the dark sky above this ancient train there hang hundreds of stars, tiny specks that look like diamond dust on a velvet blanket. They are beautiful! I look at my hands, my left one in particular, holding this pencil. I examine my chewed up thumb and my painfully short fingernails (I can’t even scratch an itch!). my attention lingers on my ringer finger, my bare naked knuckle, on it should be a small diamond (just like the ones sparkling in the sky above me right now) secured in a delicate white gold mount and a thin band embracing my finger. One of many “ should have been’s” in my life. I expect to arrive soon at my new destination, with this train ride a “new chapter” of my life has begun, a chapter that does not include you. Who would have thought it was going to end like this. Nothing is written in stone, but I think one thing is very certain: great things can be expected of me, dark and freakishly insightful, but great!
You encourage me to pursue my talent, make something out of me, so I will. That’s why I am on this train, without you, on the quest of refining my “gift”. I never told you, but you were the one, are the one. I could beat myself black and blue for never letting you know. And now it is too late. When I remember you, I will always remember your laugh, the way your lip curled as you smiled, how bright your brown eyes sparkled. My happiest moment of us would be you and me laughing in the student pub over a drink. Nobody can bring back those happy times, but I’m sure as hell going to hold on to those memories with dear life. I miss those times, moreover, I miss you, will always miss you. As I placed one single rose on your coffin, I knew my fate was sealed: there will be no other, ever! When I was finally persuaded to leave your side I knew that my heart will only beat for you. Yours may never beat again, but mine will beat for our two souls, separated on this mortal earth until we are once more united.
Please know, my dearest, I’ll be yours until the end of time!
